Discovery is the Fall of Fear

So in following up to last week, I have updates. No, mom, I didn’t get a job.

What I got was an outpouring of understanding and affirmation. It is so easy to forget that often times it takes us breaking down and submitting to vulnerability to discover true understanding and find the light. In the words of Rory Gilmore “It’s just like I’m standing on this cliff looking out into this huge foggy abyss”.

Only a few days ago I would have never let myself watch this episode of Gilmore Girls at this point in my life. It is too relatable, and oh so real. Except I was already there, I needed to process to know that these feelings don’t apply to me only, and that 8 years ago they were equally applicable.

It only seems like everyone else has their life together, but even those people feel like me. No one knows what life is going to look like in two weeks, there is no map, there is no wrong answer, no right answer. The days of multiple choice are gone. All we are left is with questions that have an infinite amount of answers, and an infinite amount of context.

I keep dreaming of all the different places I could end up, but the thing is that if I keep dreaming up the places I could end up and feeling let down when those don’t happen, I am going to miss life. Two years ago I had the guts to say no to a dream, and I have been blessed in the many other ways those desires of a life on stage have been satisfied. I never saw that coming. So here I am ready and waiting to see what next thing I am going to be crazy enough to say yes to or no to.

I’m going to choose to thrive in the now, in where I end up, and live a life that is worthy of being a dream, instead of living for a dream with a life passes by. So now it is time to jump into that abyss with full abandon and find out what is at the bottom.